Writing about Writing

This summer I have been pretending to be a writer. At least, that's what it feels like. (I can hear my writing friends telling me that as long as I am writing, I am a writer, and I understand that, but Imposter Syndrome is real.) I used to consider myself a writer when I was a teen, writing about teen angst, or a twenty-something writing about young adult angst, but somewhere along the line I stopped writing, and when I did, I stopped thinking of myself as a writer. 

Anyway, titles aside, this summer I am working on my writing. I have been trying to cultivate a daily habit of writing, and to try a few different genres. Blogging is my favorite so far, mostly because I have a lot of thoughts and opinions, and it's nice to have somewhere to put them. I also enjoy writing in verse - something that I had forgotten that I like, but rediscovered while teaching poetry last spring. I have made exactly one attempt at fiction, and that was years ago. The story had a good beginning, but eventually I got stuck. I was writing beyond my experience and hadn't learned to use research to fill in the blanks. Fiction just seems hard to me (which is why I am in awe of the people who create the fictional worlds that I love to enter - Honestly, I'm a total fangirl when it comes to authors - it's almost embarrassing.)

One thing that I noticed when I joined a writing group was that writing on a schedule takes practice. During the first few sessions I spent a lot of time staring off into space, just thinking. Sometimes I felt totally blank, and all I could think about was the fact that I couldn't think of anything to write! I couldn't make myself choose a topic just because it was time - I had to wait for one to arrive. With a few weeks' practice it's definitely getting easier, although I do still spend a lot of time staring off into space, looking for the right words, or listening for where the idea is taking me.

I also noticed that I spend a lot more time in my head now that I'm writing. Since I'm always looking for things to write about I spend more time being quiet and listening to my thoughts instead of always drowning them out with outside entertainment.

The acceptance of my writing group has been wonderful. On the first day, I expected people to talk about finishing their manuscripts, and some do, but others talk about notebooking, writing poetry, or even writing letters. No form of writing is less valued than another. Anything goes, and every accomplishment is celebrated. Still, even with this very accepting group, I still haven't had the courage to ask for feedback. As much as I want to hear what people think, I'm also not quite ready to know yet. 

Throughout this experience, I have been thinking about my students, and how much I am really asking of them. I wonder if I am giving them what they need to feel like successful writers. How often do I demand that they write about a topic that I choose, or rush them to choose a topic on my schedule? How often do I look at a student who is staring off into space and say, "Keep going!" and how would I feel if someone said that to me while I was writing?  I wonder if I have ever really given a class time to sit silently with their thoughts. Would they know how to do it? How do you teach that? 

There's a lot to think about.