The Current State of Things:
- One of the girls' friends just tested positive for Covid. My child is scared, I am nervous, we're all worried.
- Yesterday we received a letter saying that since September 1, forty-one covid cases have occurred at their high school, with eleven in the past week.
- Then, this morning, I checked my work email to see that someone at my school has tested positive. Fortunately I wasn't a close contact. But who's to say that I'm not a close contact of a close contact, someone who may test positive next week?
I feel like there is an invisible enemy surrounding us. For eighteen months we have worked to create a strong, protective barrier. We have followed the rules. Our family quarantined faithfully and for longer than many. We stayed remote for the bulk of the past school year. We are all vaccinated. We gave up a trip to see my parents and visit our beloved beach this summer. We haven't eaten inside a restaurant yet. We wear masks, even when we are in the minority.
And yet, it feels like the defenses are breaking down. The enemy is persistent and it's coming from every direction.
I hate it.
We are still feeling the effects of the sacrifices we made. I see it in my kids' mental health and social lives. I feel it in the lack of travel and new experiences. I feel it at work, as a constant, irritating presence that makes sure that nothing is ever simple or straightforward.
I just want to let kids be kids. I just want to feel like we can let our guards down and feel free.
I am so tired of all of it.
I'm not even really afraid of the disease itself anymore, but of the havoc it could wreak on our lives. With the amount of schoolwork my kids have every day, how could they survive a week of missed classes? What if it effects basketball, the thing that Katy has waited for for almost two years, or theater, which Maggie has waited for with equal longing? How on Earth could I miss however many days of school? I don't even know how I would plan for that. And those are the little things. What if we inadvertently spread it to someone more vulnerable?
It's a lot to think about. A lot of worry.
It's exhausting.
But I refuse to give in to the fear. We will not cancel our lives again if we don't need to. We will be careful. I will try not to worry too much, and we'll keep living our lives, hoping that the barriers hold for just a while longer.
