Car Talk

This has been a busy parenting week, which, when you're the parent of 14 year-old twins with vastly different interests, means that it has been a busy driving week.  

I may be an outlier in this, but I love driving my kids around. I like the conversations that happen on the way to and from activities. On the way there I often find out about worries, fears, and frustrations.  As hard as it can be to not be able to help, I know that I am so fortunate to be there for those conversations. I am so glad to be let in, because I know that my place as confidante probably won't last forever. Even now it's a door that seems to open and close at random. I want to be ready to go through it whenever it is opened for me.

The way home from activities is a very different energy. There is usually more adrenaline. I hear more about the nuts and bolts of the day. This is the time when I get to hear about who they hung out with, what funny or annoying things happened during the day, crushes, friendships, annoying adults, and who is being nice... or not. At the end of the day, the stress is often lower, and many problems seem farther away. The door is often wide open - especially if I am smart enough to listen quietly without injecting too many of my own opinions or asking too many direct questions. I'm getting better at this - most of the time.

When the girls are in the car together they seem easier with each other. They can laugh, joke, and even tease each other without worry that anyone will get offended or stomp off. We take turns choosing music, and they gang up on me about my choices. They talk to each other in ways I don't usually see at home. I feel like I get to witness different aspects of their relationship. Even on days when the chosen entertainment is Driving Mom Crazy, and it makes me grumpy and annoyed, a voice inside my head reminds me to enjoy this. Remember it.

Because they are 14. In two years they will be 16. Soon after that they will be driving. I wonder what that will look like. How will it feel when they are driving themselves, each other, and friends to their games and rehearsals and activities? Will it be, as some parents have described, so nice not to have to be driving everywhere? Honestly, I don't think it will. I could be wrong, though. It may be like any other developmental stage - I'll fear it and worry about it, but by the time it comes maybe I'll know that they're ready. Maybe I'll celebrate the change. Maybe. 

But not yet. For now, I'll keep my car keys handy.